I'm sorry, I don't know, I want to be alone.
Um, hello. These are fucking gorgeous.
I think I am in love with this person and his magnificent photos. You can find him here and here. Strangely enough, I discovered that the pic I use for my header actually belongs to this guy, despite the fact that I got it from another location and didn't have the info to credit anyone. So there we go.
I don't want to go to school today, so I probably won't. Once I get it in my mind that I don't want to go, it's virtually impossible to change my mind. I feel guilty about not going and stress about how this might alter my future and potential for grad school recommendations, which is somewhat ridiculous. The guilt and the self-loathing never change the choice I make. I feel like shit today.
Yesterday I painted my room. The colour is called "Rapture." It's red. Predictably, I got paint everywhere. The ceiling, all over my legs and the floor, in my hair, on my shelves, my bed, my clothes, the radiator. I even got paint on my face. I liked it and I didn't wash it off. It looked like someone sliced open my cheek.
Current music: Loren MazzaCane Connors & Jim O'Rourke, Two Nice Catholic Boys. So terrific.
ps. Why the fuck do we always make these horrible decisions, you and I? You said that I instigated the doubt, but that is not true, it's always there and I just verbalized it. I wish I could cut us both open and rip out the parts that don't function properly together so that we could not aggravate each other and just be happy together, in friendly and erotic ways. I wish I was strong enough to just follow through with what I know has to happen, eventually. I feel like any time I try to say anything to you, you back away and curl up into a ball and find me intimidating. So maybe we should just start communicating via writing. Maybe there would be more to say. Why am I so attracted to air signs?