When I was crying on the subway an attractive man touched my arm and asked me if he could help. I could have said yes. Instead I just smiled and laughed in his face. He smiled back, but he looked sad. There are too many people that I will never know. So many potential lovers, friends, collaborators. Sometimes I feel scared of missing something immense.
What if I had said yes, or touched him back. What I really want is to be curled up in bed with a warm body. I should have hugged that man on the subway. I want to be angry, it's so much easier. I can't escape anything.