I had horrible dreams last night and now all I want is to smoke endless cigarettes and lie curled up in bed and feel lonely and uncomfortable. I think it is true that when one part of my life starts to go really well the other slides into fucked-up territory. So this is where I am at. My personal relationships seem fucked up. Or, my dreams tell me so. But I am doing very well in school. I am focused on school work. I feel very isolated today.
Yesterday was one of those days where you go out for a cigarette and it looks sunny so you're feeling pretty dapper about it but then once you get outside you realize the wind is a mother fucker and you keep changing positions, looking for different pillars or new areas of the building that may protect you from the gusts but everywhere you go the wind just gets more intense and the cold nestles into your body, under your skin. Quite possibly a metaphor for my present emotional state.
I am happy that today is rainy and dark.