I'm just kind of sitting in the dark on the ground writing a long, frustrating paper with a coffee and endless cigarettes, listening to Neil Young Live at Massey Hall 1971 and the skies are dark and windy and on the verge of downpour. I have some candles going and I want to be in this dark candlelit thunderstorm head space for as long as possible. It's a very good vibe going on. Why do I feel the need to ruin it by writing about it in a blog post, that is the question. Reaching out for some sort of pseudo-human contact. Wanting someone to understand how I feel right now. I wish experiences could be shared. Too bad there's not a formula to reproduce the same feelings in other people, so I wouldn't feel "alone" all the time and little beautiful moments could actually be shared and I could look at you and think, yes, we are having a deep profound moment of mutual self-recognition right now, how interesting, maybe we have some deep spiritual connection or maybe we should have sex. Like it happens in the movies while an appropriately melancholic song plays in the background. We are all elaborate productions and producers of life and my little moments of feeling deeply connected to people or the universe or whatever the fuck are little stage plays that I create and relish in. Producing machine-bodies, c'est tout. I'm feeling cynical but willing to invest.
Music hasn't been a large part of my life in the past few weeks because sometimes I'm afraid. There are some albums that I put on and instantly feel like I'm cuddling in a bed with a friendly person who knows me really well. Like my body unwraps itself. These are those albums:
1)Elliott Smith. Either/Or
2)Jeff Buckley. Live at Sin-e
3)Neil Young. Live at Massey Hall 1971
4)Goldfrapp. Felt Mountain
5)Microphones. The Glow Pt.2
6)Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton. Knives Don't Have Your Back
7)Nick Drake. Pink Moon
8)Wilco. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
9)Atlas Sound. Let the Blind...
10)Bonnie Prince Billy. The Letting Go
11)My Bloody Valentine. Loveless
12)Talk Talk. Spirit of Eden
13)Grouper. Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill
In no way is this a "GREATEST ALBUMS EVER" declaration. They're just the ones that keep me sane and feel like friends.
What are your favourite comfort-food albums? I'd like some suggestions.
This post puts to words the very reasons why I long to be truly, literally alone sometimes. I feel like my thoughts and my emotions don't ring true with those that I have around me; I feel alienated by my own thoughts. Its at times like these that I feel less alone the more solitary I become.
ReplyDelete--
Nick Drake-Pink Moon
Pedro The Lion-Control
Bright Eyes-I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
Paul Baribeau & Ginger Alford-Live 2-24-06 at
Matt Bennett's House
Elliot Smith-New Moon
Modest Mouse-Good News for People Who Love
Bad News
Tom Waits-Used Songs:1973-1980
Rodrigo y Gabriela-self titled
Postal Service-Give Up
We'll call that a fleetingly temporary list, subject to change.
I like listening to "Deep Penetration" by The Celibates, and "You Have No Right to Go Down on Me" by Cunnilingus AKA Oral Fixation.
ReplyDeleteJesus Christ, Rayme. Thanks for reminding me to call you though.
ReplyDeletehello Kristen Shaw.
ReplyDeleterecent comfort-food albums are
-Mount Eerie 'lost wisdom'
-Joanna Newsom 'Ys'
-El Perro del Mar 'El Perro del Mar'
have a good day
Justin, hello.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add Lost Wisdom to my list, but it deserves a spot.
stevie wonder
ReplyDeletei wish i could respond to your posts but you say it all
and their refinement of the decline
ReplyDeleteI wanted to respond many times before, declaring that I know how you feel. In fact I don't. It's just some weird projection, some virtual reaching out just to not be alone - at least virtually. So I didn't. Besides I hardly ever respond anyway.
ReplyDeleteBut I know the feeling of being on my own, being me and having this deep craving for sharing. No describing words. No interpretable emotions. Just genuinely me being me.
My "album" would be Tom Waits' "Green Gras" ten times in a row.
okkervil river - black sheep boy (+ appendix)
ReplyDeleterudi arapahoe - echoes from one to another
I'm listening to songs on Pandora that make me feel that way: Chet Baker and Frank Sinatra Radio(s).
ReplyDelete