I feel fairly terrified about life right now and the large looming presence of "FUTURE." On one hand, I want to look forward to what's coming up. On the other hand, there are complications and hurdles to be crossed before good things can happen. When I start to think about everything in one mass lump sum I feel extreme panic. In retrospect, the shit that I've been through recently seems like it should have felt a lot harder to deal with than it actually felt at the time. Or maybe, PAST as whole lump sum is equally difficult to make sense of and perceive "objectively" as FUTURE. The shittiest things that happen to me occur very much out of the blue, so that I can't even worry about them beforehand (shame). Life tends to work out eventually, in strange forms, as it does for most people. Keep on keeping on. I'm still terrified, however. The only way I make sense of shit and ease my panic is to spout off cliches and trite interior monologues about taking 'one day at a time.'
I would like people to recommend me some e-books or chapbooks that they like. I want to inundate myself with poetry this weekend.
This weekend, the small press convention is happening at the Toronto Reference Library. I want to go but feel that I will spend a lot of money on books and my reading list is already at 40+ over the next few months. I need to learn more and be more involved in Canadian literature, and not just the [mostly] dry canon of CanLit. I am now a junior editor for a lit/art journal based at my university. I get to read poetry and judge people. The more shitty poetry I read the more I appreciate all you great bloggers out there, mixing shit up, being all innovative. Keep it up, y'all make the world a more interesting place.