It's a good thing I will never have kids because sometimes I look at my cats when they are curled up and rolling around my feet in ridiculous ways, and I feel nothing except heavy pity that living things always need other living things, and I think 'I can never be what you want all the time' and I feel that way with most people. Like this morning when I tried to leave the bed and you, still mostly asleep, grabbed onto my hand really hard and pulled me back into your sleepy unconsious nakedness, still holding tight to my wrist so that it almost hurt. And I wanted to be comfortable there and less restless, I wanted your erection between my legs and your morning shadow rough against my shoulder. I looked at your face for a really long time, and it hurt like the sun and the sky did when I removed myself later and stood on the roof, smoking my first cigarette, burdened by something hard and light in the pit of my stomach.