27.8.10

psychotropics







The artist of the above is Rasmus Emanuel Svensson, and I got them from the flickr set that includes all of the "globes" in the series. I really love these colour combinations and I've been using them for inspiration in my own collage work.
I kind of feel like this blog is becoming a barren waste land, or else, followed by quiet people. This makes me feel more comfortable with this space, like I did in *2007* - and therefore, more likely to just write what I want when a journal doesn't suffice.
I've been heavily engrossed in "House of Leaves" - it is perfection. Seriously, one of the best books I have ever picked up. And by "perfection" I mean that it coheres well on so many levels - conceptually, as entertainment, as the quintessential intertextual po-mo text, as a confession, as a diary of sexual exploits, as philosophy, theory, as a horror movie. I love it so much.
I'm back in London (ON) after spending the last four or so days in Toronto with my boyfriend. I feel as if my brain is coming back in again after a romp outside. I love my new apartment. I'd like to post pictures of my room sometime. The only thing missing is cats. I've been making jewelry all day after spending 60 bucks on supplies while in Toronto. I will be starting up an etsy shop to hopefully make back some of that cash in the near future, hopefully before school starts up again. I hope some of you will check it out once its up :)
I have been obsessed with etsy recently and all things craft and interior design. I'm sure all that will fly out the window once I don't have unlimited spare time.
There is also something I'd like advice about - not sure if this is the right avenue to go about it, but I don't really give a shit. My psychiatrist has re-diagnosed me with bipolar 2 after several sequences of so-called "hypo mania" in a relatively brief period after a good 10 months of no manic episodes. This on top of my already-existing diagnoses. Now, I'm sure there's a lot of you out there who have had similar experiences and no doubt have a handful of similar diagnoses - I'm really anti mood stabilizers, and I have friends with full-on bipolar who take them solely, but I don't know anyone who has been told to take or is currently on both ssri's and mood stabilizers. I'm incredibly critical of psychiatry in general, and I'm not about to take something that I don't think I *need.* I'm just wondering if anyone has advice about how to deal with the doubt that comes with multiple or conflicting diagnoses and how to negotiate philosophical and psychiatric discourses, or...I don't know. I have also been advised to stop taking my ssri's because they apparently cause more frequent and intense hypo mania, but at the same time, if I stop taking the ssri's my anxiety and panic attacks start coming back full force. Therefore - I feel conflicted about the whole shebang and generally kind of scared of myself getting worse on either front. I've kind of eased up on my criticism of psychiatry since it has significantly helped improve my mental health in the last few years, but I still think a lot of it is bullshit. Email me or comment if you have any advice...
(Also, not-so-strangely had a dream about being forced to do a series of complicated tests that resembled circus acts while being observed by my psychiatrist and other "professionals," including my father. one of which involved having to capture a puppy in a sand pit in the most effective and timely way possible. another involved swings and building sand castles that were continuously destroyed by sprinklers. good job, unconscious, try for more subtlety next time.)

5 comments:

  1. A seriously delayed question: do you have PTSD?

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  2. Rayme - no - from what? Email me your response s'il vous plait.

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  3. Have you seen this?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5VLtJeeEpA
    I found it very interesting re everything you're talking about. Not very academic or philosophical unless you're coming at it from a Jungian/Eastern philosophy vibe

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